Backlash
by CassieTheWriter
Summary: Insert for Hollander's Woods. How Castle reacts to taking a life for the first time.


**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm still working on The Dance Into His Heart, so if you're waiting for an update, it's coming soon! If you don't know what I'm talking about and you're into a multi-chapter AU with lots of fluff and a living Johanna Beckett, you may be interested in checking out that story. I'm shameless, sorry. So anyway, this one is a little post-Hollander's Woods one shot, in which I explore the backlash for Castle of taking a life for the first time. Thanks for reading! :)**

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She was throwing herself into his arms as soon as he exited the barn, the bright sunshine spilling into the dark building, shining a too-bright spotlight on the dead man on the ground and the jagged pieces of the shattered mask that had haunted him for decades. He wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her close to him, needing the solidity and familiarity of her.

"Kate," he choked.

"Rick." Her voice was so quiet in his ear, but it was there. It was then that she noticed the blood on his neck and pulled back. There was concern written clearly in her green eyes, and her fingers hovered over the slit, her movements hesitant, unsure what she should do.

"Kate," he murmured again. His voice jarred her to meet his gaze, and it was then that she could see the devastation in his normally lively blue irises.

"You're hurt, babe," she said quietly.

"I know," he replied. "It's fine."

"No, Castle," she said gently. "It's not. You're bleeding, love, come on," she urged, pulling him by the hand toward the car.

"Kate, I...I killed him," he breathed, not moving from where he stood. Her heart broke for her husband, this sweet and wonderful, loving man who couldn't kill a spider without squealing, who, in the face of losing his life and hers, had done the unthinkable. She stopped coaxing him toward the car and instead reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. She led him to the side, to where there was a tree that offered them a bit of shade. She lowered the both of them to the grass, and then leaned up to press the handkerchief to the bleeding cut. She knew that the place would be crawling with people soon, and she had to take this opportunity to be alone with him. Everything else could wait.

"Rick," she began, "I know it feels awful right now."

"I killed a man, Kate. I'm...I'm not safe. If I can kill someone so easily, I'm dangerous." There was such desperation in his voice, and it shredded at her with every syllable.

"Oh, Castle," she sighed, cradling his cheek in her hand. "Look at me." He looked up and met her eyes.

"You're not dangerous, Rick, okay?" she said. "You're not. I know you, Castle. You're far from dangerous."

"But I killed him."

"I know. But only because you had to. You were faced with losing me and your own life, okay? It's nothing to be ashamed of, Rick, I promise." She threaded her fingers through his dark hair, damp with sweat.

"You're the kindest man in the world, babe," she whispered. "You did what you had to do, you saved my life and yourself. What you did today makes you a hero, and I know it doesn't feel that way at the moment. I know you feel terrible, and it's going to be a while before you feel anything less. But it will get better. And you're not at fault in any way, alright? He needed to die, Rick. You had no choice."

Tears streamed down his cheeks, one hitting her hand and splashing on her skin, cool and wet and so powerful in it's significance. Kate felt at a loss. She'd seen her husband cry several times in the last seven years, and it never ceased to leave her feeling heartbroken and helpless.

"Come here," she murmured. She pulled him into her arms, cradling him to her as he cried. She couldn't think of anything else to do.

"I'm sorry," he gasped.

"Oh, Rick, I know you are," she replied. "I know. You're okay, love, you're okay. I'm here. You're okay."

Even as cars began pulling up, Kate held him. When Ryan and Esposito, thankfully the first to arrive, got out and took in the scene, they held the others back with words Kate couldn't hear. It didn't matter; she was grateful.

"I've got you, Castle," she whispered. "It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine. I promise."


End file.
